I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
