rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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