Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
