You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
