If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
