she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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