Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
