thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
