Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
