I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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