bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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