yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
