i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize