I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
