You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
tell me about the fingering
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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