You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize