I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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