No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it because I queefed?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
