The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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