He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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