can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
