im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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