Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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