Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
