He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
