hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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