I cockslap morals
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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