Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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