Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize