Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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