so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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