let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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