Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This baby is an asshole
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
