8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
