you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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