Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
