We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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