that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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