Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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