at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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