Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
