"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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