I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize