After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
