I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
