the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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