there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was born a porn star she said
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
