My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
