you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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