I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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