Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
