Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
