I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
