Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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