Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
