We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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