you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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