He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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