dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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