You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
