You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
