The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize