Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
