We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
