There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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