Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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