we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
