; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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